Dear Friends
I know I have not written many months ago, they should have done this long ago too, but also for pain and shame I did not.
My daughter is sick. This diagnosed with OCD. That has kept me very busy, too busy, there are days when I have no time for my little girl and it kills me, my heart.
why I have not written, so I'm not connected all the time, not by whim, or because it is bad, or that I've run out of inspiration.
Why tell you this now??
For which I have to crown the comments of shit they send me. Not only do I have to deal with the problems of my family, but that also I have to endure the malicious comments of many people. Is the minority, it is true, but still hurt me.
But on the other side I want to thank all my friends to have been by my side to people who send me all your good spirits and thoughts.
not believe I'm not doing anything, if I'm writing, not too fast because they do not have much time, but if I'm doing.
I know I have not written many months ago, they should have done this long ago too, but also for pain and shame I did not.
My daughter is sick. This diagnosed with OCD. That has kept me very busy, too busy, there are days when I have no time for my little girl and it kills me, my heart.
why I have not written, so I'm not connected all the time, not by whim, or because it is bad, or that I've run out of inspiration.
Why tell you this now??
For which I have to crown the comments of shit they send me. Not only do I have to deal with the problems of my family, but that also I have to endure the malicious comments of many people. Is the minority, it is true, but still hurt me.
But on the other side I want to thank all my friends to have been by my side to people who send me all your good spirits and thoughts.
not believe I'm not doing anything, if I'm writing, not too fast because they do not have much time, but if I'm doing.
Eternal Conflict Chapter 26
Election
Hum Bella's lullaby was the only way to quell the nasty fantasies of Jacob. The dawn seemed so distant then.
As every night, she called my name, was an oasis in the storm to hear his sweet voice calling me from unconsciousness. Each time this happened Jacob snorted through the nose, it was so delicious to feel her discomfort ... until my turn came and I also tried this bitter pill.
- "My Jacob" -. She said softly but clearly.
only were those two short words, but enough for him to rejoice.
- I once? I knew I was right. That there may be small, you may be well hidden, but I know in his heart there is love for me. Well, do not blame her for that, ie, those of my race are compelling.
-Save
silence. I said. "Bella needs to rest and be better than you do so once and for all.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think about the words while I sleep with her. Responded.
"" Grrr ... .- "I groaned mentally this time.
wanted
Again jump on his body and tearing it completely.
Tighten my fists and my eyes, trying in vain to block the rage and thoughts, I felt the need to let me go, I wanted to let the dark and bloody to be living in me took control of my actions. It would be so sweet, so pleasant to enjoy their monstrous nature ...
But, again, again say no, push it ... again, like many others, would put the shackles and expelled to the darkest depths of my be.
No, this battle does not win by force, would win this battle to be the best that could be for Bella.
It did not help that Jacob was asleep, her dreams eventually returned to revolve around Bella and how would your life with her.
libidinous tone of those left behind and full of intimate everyday images filled their unconscious thoughts. Pictures of sunsets
holding hands, children identical to him running along the beach after a few years older Bella, but still the same, full of life.
Then I felt jealous ... again, not only his ability to dream but also of its ability to provide a future full of ... full of life in a nutshell. Would I
day that she, like Rosalie, feel the weight of eternity to realize that would never be able to support life in your body? So you hate me so?
not hate Rosalie Carlisle, however much they feel the weight of the years she blamed him for having transformed. She just hated the damn lucky that he had touched.
But it was different with Bella, she was aware of everything you lost. Was there sizing the vast reality?
I shook my doubts, it was time to play the role of masochistic fool again.
I let my mind fly out of the store, seeking the thoughts of my family who remained alert.
No expected visit until the next morning, however, suppose that each had its own reasons to be anxious.
Carlisle was worried, not only for ourselves, but also by the wolves who had joined us, or the battle to be exact.
He felt responsible for each and would not think would happen if we lost one of them. Esme
meanwhile put aside concerns for his thoughts pulgoso and Alice went to Rosalie. Although he knew very well that they were perfectly capable of defending themselves and the children if necessary, her maternal instincts screamed louder than any other feeling. Emmet
like every second I had left before the dawn, but had different reasons for doing so. Jasper
formulated over and over possible plans B and even a C if necessary.
In each Alice remained far away, always kept away from danger and she in turn, can read the thoughts of Jasper did the same, but Alice always seemed to her if anything went wrong.
But despite all that, within them the excitement and tranquility reigned absolute. They did not deny that something could go wrong, but all were aware of our strength and the Quileute. Thus
spent the stormy night (what had been in more ways than one.) At any time by refusing to look away from her deep sleep peacefully among protective arms of Jacob.
I should be able to offer what she needed so badly, but had failed, had failed to comply with this simple but fundamental work and was now paying for the ineptitude of my most desperate nature of it all was that there was nothing I could do.
should focus on the road we had chosen to go, together, forever, without using people to protect against unwanted threats. Come the day that Bella would join me and we would be equal for all eternity.
And the dawn came, slowly at first, bringing the weak morning light. Then with the passing of the minutes, the sun broke through clouds Through the few who remembered the night until the storm completely dominated the sky. Little Seth Clearwater
stretched and disappeared for a few seconds between the trees. Then he turned and shook noisily.
When Jacob shake their fleas outside the tent?
was quite sure that the unbearable snoring end up knocking my, at that time, poor self-control. I was using all my strength not to jump on it, not take it and break his neck as if was a small and insignificant ... dry branch. Doing everything I could and did not know how much more could bear. But how could do it!?
His hairy arms ... foul. Her body close, his breath hitting her hair ... How could continue watching this?
Then, Bella began to awaken. I felt so much anger, so much hate but when I saw that she began to move, all those feelings vanished and immeasurable sadness filled me completely. How to be the creature that was? Why could not be what she needs or deserves? I controlled
anxiety, overcame the pain.
I knew very well how to control my feelings, would not she saw how much pain I caused the situation was not fair to her.
- Is it hot out there? -. He said while trying to move.
"Yes. Doubt I need the heater. I replied as I watched Bella ongoing efforts to get rid of unconscious embrace of Jacob.
My whole body wanted to move, take my arms and rope with a kick to Jacob out of the tent, but I did, I forced myself to sit in the corner of the tent as she tried to reach the sleeping bag zipper . But the more I tried harder Jacob hugged her.
The situation was becoming unbearable.
breath again and again, trying to control my impulses.
- And if you help me? -. He asked me then, and gladly would. I could think of a thousand ways to do it and every one of them had blood Quileute involved.
smiled then.
"You want me to start the arms ..." I was tempted to say, but ... - You want me to separate the arms? -. Bella finally prompted more preferred than just help him out of the bag. She was sure she would give you a heat stroke and possibly so, it was not necessary for me I approach them to feel the warmth radiating Jacob Black and after all was not so pleasant to bear when he was not freezing to death.
Not much, I know.
Maybe this a little rusty, maybe I lost the magic, the thread of the story, the inspiration. Perhaps they are right the bad reviews, maybe I stopped listening to the voice of Edward.
do not know, it's been so long .... So much has happened. I am no longer what used to be, I have no the inpiracion I used to have.
I hope you tell me if it's worth continuing to write. If not so, if it's not worth it, I'll stay with your good comments, with their love.
I really love them.
